A Generous Spirit

Every third Saturday, I volunteer with my church to feed the homeless and hungry.  As I was getting ready to go downtown, I was pondering other ways to help these people other than proving a meal.  It occurred to me that a lot of them probably go without things that I consider to be necessities.  All kinds of ideas were swirling around in my head - little baggies of travel sized hygiene items, a shoe drive to provide shoes, mini bibles to hand out, etc.
I'll admit, there is always a battle raging in my heart when it comes to the homeless.  Part of me would give everything I have to a person in need, and another part of me would say that in doing so I would only be enabling the person.  I've been through hard times in life, some of my own doing and others that were beyond my control.  The same it true of the homeless population as well.  Some are there because they are trapped in a vicious cycle of addiction that has robbed them of the ability to make rational decisions.  Others have suffered losses that have placed them in a season of hardship.  And others suffer from mental illness that hampers their ability to provide for themselves.  I can identify with all of these things.

After we served the meal Saturday, I was talking with someone about our experiences volunteering and the desire to do more.  She said that her small group had considered doing a coat drive to provide coats for the needy, but had decided not to do it because the people would probably just get the coats and turn around and sell them.  She said that they probably even sell the extra plates of food we pass out at the end of each meal.  I'd like to say that I was appalled by this way of thinking, but like I said, I struggle with this way of thinking too.  And the reality is that some of them will do that, but what about the ones that don't?  That act of kindness could be the thing that makes Jesus real to ONE person, and that should be my focus.  So what are we to do?

I immediately thought of the verse my daughter and I taped up in the shower a couple of weeks ago for her to memorize (she likes to sing them in the shower):

"I tell you the truth, anything you did for even the least of my people here, you also did for Me."  Matthew 25:40  (NCV)

And that settles it.  God has called me to minister to this group of people, and that is what I am supposed to do out of obedience to Him.  I am not called to judge them, I am called to seek Him.  He will guide me into what is right and give me the discernment to know the best path to take.  My job is to trust Him.

I love the way God orchestrates things!  I put that verse up for my daughter, but, God used it on me... my Small Group Study this week is Chapter 5 of "It's No Secret" by Rachel Olsen and is all about our call to live generously.

You think God is trying to tell me something??  I do.

I am supposed to be generous not only to the needy, but also to those who are close to me - my husband, children, family, and friends.  Each of these people will benefit, in some way, from my generous spirit.

Out of My Comfort Zone

Whew, God has really been giving me a spiritual workout lately! It came to a head last night when He decided to pull a funny on me and take me way out of my comfort zone.

Earlier this week, I was talking to a friend of mine about how we don't like to pray out-loud in front of other people - actually, I can't even do it alone. I'm more of a journal-er...I just have too many thoughts swirling around in this head of mine and have a hard time letting them out on the spot in a way that makes sense. When I write things down it seems to slow my mind down because it has to stay in line with my pen. Can anyone relate to this, or are my friend and I the only one's on the planet with this issue?

So anyway, last night in my Advocate Training Class, we were done with our discussion and it was time for the closing prayer. I will be doggoned if the leader didn't look right at me and ask me to pray! I almost fell out of my chair...I have been going to group Bible Studies for YEARS and no one has ever asked me to pray!! Panic set in and the word "No" immediately and instinctively popped out of my mouth - my body went into survival mode. LOL - the leader had this look of shock on her face and I knew I had to correct the situation. My mind went back to my conversation with my friend and I knew that God set this up. I had this vision of Him sitting on His Throne in Heaven with His hand on His chin slowly shaking His head.

I told the leader I would pray, but I wanted to apologize in advance if it didn't make any sense. Then I begged God to help me! The next part has me cracking up so hard that it may take a while for me to find the right words to type. I bowed my head and cleared my throat and the word "Lord" came out of my mouth so loud and with such force that anyone who may have been tempted to daydream or think about other things while I prayed was undoubtably snapped to attention. I even scared myself! I am laughing so hard right now... I hope if you are reading this you get it and I haven't just spent 20 minutes telling a "you had to be there" story.  The rest of the prayer went fine, and I'm pretty sure it made sense - when I opened my eyes, no one was staring at me with their mouths wide open.

The reason I'm telling you this is that I love that my God is a God who will stretch my limits and push my boundaries.  He is never content to let me pick a comfy spot and stay put.

"You have done many good things for me, Lord, just as You promised.  I believe in Your commands; now teach me good judgment and knowledge.  I used to wander off until You disciplined me; but now I closely follow Your Word.  You are good and You only do good; teach me Your principles."  Psalm 119:65-68

Abigail & Nabal

I am fascinated by the story of Abigail & Nabal.

Their story can be found in 1 Samuel 25:1-42.  Basically, Abigail is married to a man, Nabal, who is a drunk and a fool.  1 Samuel 25:3 says this:  "The man's name was Nabal, and his wife Abigail, was a sensible and beautiful woman.  But Nabal, a descendant of Caleb, was mean and dishonest in all his dealings."    One day, David sent one of his men to ask Nabal for any food and drink he may have to spare.  He figured that Nabal would be more than happy to give it to them because he and his men had looked after Nabal's shepherd's and flock at some point in the past.  Well, I guess David thought wrong!  Nabal refused to send them anything calling them outlaws and run away servants.  His response made David very angry, so he gathered 400 of his men and told them to get their swords, they were going after Nabal.

In comes Abigail... One of Nabal's servants went to Abigail and told her everything that was going on, ending with "You'd better think fast, for there is going to be trouble for our master and his whole family..." 1 Samuel 25:17.  Now, if I were Abigail, I would have marched right out to my husband and most likely told him in all kinds of ways that he was a complete fool for acting the way he did.  But she didn't, the Bible says she quickly packed up a lot of food and wine on a donkey and she and her servants when out to find David.  It specifically says, "She didn't tell her husband what she was doing" 1 Samuel 25:19.  She knew her entire household was in danger and that confronting her husband would waste time and probably do no good.

Abigail had the wisdom to know she could not be her husband's Holy Spirit and the strength to try to right his wrongs.  Most importantly, I think she put her trust in the right person... God, not Nabal.  She went out alone to face David and his army of 400 men!

When she saw David approaching, she got off her donkey and bowed down before him.  She told David that she took all the blame for what her husband had done and begged him to hear her out.  She told him not to listen to her husband Nabal - that his name meant "fool" and that's what he was.  She goes on to tell him that she didn't see the servants he sent and asks him to accept all the goods she has brought.  Then, SHE asks for his forgiveness, if anything she has done has offended him!  Her wisdom allows her to reason with David in a way that I can only dream of doing at this point.  She reminds him of his calling and encourages him not to sin.

"The Lord will surely reward you with a lasting dynasty, for you are fighting the Lord's battles.  And you have not done wrong throughout your entire life...When the Lord has done all He has promised and has made you leader of Israel, don't let this be a blemish on your record."  1 Samuel 25: 28, 30  (NLT)

 In response to her pleas, David praises God for sending her out to meet him and blesses her for stopping him from "carrying out vengance" with his own hands.  He goes on to tell her that if she hadn't come to meet him, not one of Nabal's men would be alive the next morning.

There are so many things I can learn from Abigail! But right now, there is one thing that God has been showing me I have to learn:  I have made my husband an idol...not in the worshipping way, but I tend to depend on him more than I depend on God.  I have spent the majority of our 12 year marriage reacting to my husband first and relying on God second.  To see that in black and white is truly humbling.  It brings tears to my eyes to realize what I've been doing and how hard it will be to keep from doing it in the future.  It is freeing though, living in a constant state of reaction is extremely tiring - mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Instead of constantly reacting to and trying to "fix" my husband, I am going to give him to God, and I mean complete surrender, right now.  I pray that God will give me the wisdom to recognize when I start to head back to old ways and the discernment to hear Him direct me in a new direction.  Right now, I'm in the process of examining my heart and uncovering attitudes and feelings that need to go...

Here's a verse I'm memorizing for encouragement:

"Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of my love.  Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that He may come and shower righteousness upon you."  Hosea 10:12 (NLT)

The Dreaded Shred

Okay...I spent all of last week psyching myself up to start Jillian Michael's "30 Day Shred", yet again.  I don't know what it is, but every time I get my mind set to start my exercise program over I feel like I'm getting sick!  LOL - it sound ridiculous, but it seems to be a pattern for me.   And now, here I sit blogging about exercising instead of hopping on the elliptical for 30 minutes followed by The Shred...I have my workout clothes on too :).

I've started "The Shred" before and it's really not all that bad, so I'm off... after a bite to eat and the required 30 minutes to let my food digest!